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Idle thoughts on a Sunday afternoon: How radically different would some movies be if the sexual orientation of a single character was changed? Actress Meredith Baxter revealed last week that she's a lesbian, which made me think of her most famous role as a mother in Family Ties, which made me think of Michael J. Fox, who played her son in that series. And that made me think of his most famous role as a son in Back to the Future, which made me think: what if Marty McFly's mother (played by Lea Thompson) was gay?

That would eliminate the most squeamish element of the movie: Lorraine's attraction to Marty. (When she's admiring him in his Calvin Kleins, yeesh! Get me out of here.) Instead, Marty might have time traveled back to 1955, seen that Lorraine wasn't attracted to George McFly (Crispin Glover), and then gradually come to realize -- with his 1985 perspective -- that his mother wasn't attracted to any of the boys in school, but was nursing a secret crush on one of her female classmates. Recognizing the social pressures against homosexuality in the 50s and battling his own mixed feelings, Marty still maneuvers circumstances so that his mother will decide to remain in the closet and marry George. Marty goes back to the future with a heavy heart, glad to be alive but with the secret, bittersweet knowledge that his self-sacrificing, loving mother may not be not truly happy.

What other movies might be radically changed if the sexual orientation of one of the characters was different?

The FTC wants Hollywood to think of the children. The New York Times reports that the FTC has blasted the film industry for "explicit and pervasive targeting of young children," specifically by advertising PG-13 and R-rated films during TV shows and websites that may attract younger audiences. The "unrated" DVD craze is also said to be geared at corrupting the youth, as the films up the gore ante on films originally given a PG-13 or R rating, and retailers routinely sell R-rated DVDs to kids under 17.

While I do believe in protecting the youth of America, I'm not sure the FTC is being entirely fair to the movie industry. With the Internet, kids can go anywhere. Saying that advertisements for R-rated films "may" show up on sites kids and teens visit is casting a pretty wide and impossible net that can really only be contained by parental controls. Nor is it the fault of studios that retailers are selling DVDs to young kids. Blame that on a retail industry that's kept in motion by underpaid teens and twentysomethings who just don't want to be yelled at when they refuse to sell Watchmen to a 13 year old. Stores should put in a strict and well-advertised policy that they'll check IDs before selling DVDs, just like movie theaters do, and the problem can be solved right there. Now, could there be an insidious plot by studios to prevent such discipline, and prop up their dwindling DVD sales? I can't answer that.

While Hollywood certainly could do more self-policing, like the video game industry does, I will always feel the blame rests on two (or in some cases, one) individuals the FTC doesn't like to blame: Parents. It isn't the job of studios or stores to make sure kids aren't watching violent or explicit content.

Oh, Farmer Ted, what the hell are you doing? The New York Post reports that actor Anthony Michael Hall "bit his girlfriend's forehead" during an altercation in the middle of the night on November 10th, 2009. Excuse me, make that EX-girlfriend. Radio host Diana Falzone recently ended her year-long relationship with Hall, issuing a temporary restraining order against him.

Hall's violent outburst, which Palzone says included shoving and spitting on her, was fueled by alcohol and probably not helped by Hall's diagnosed bipolar disorder. Another of Hall's ex-girlfriends, actress Sandy Guerard, has spoken out to defend Hall's character. "He is absolutely not violent," states Guerard. "These allegations would be laughable if it were not such a serious issue. Never in over 10 years has this man ever been violent to me. I will stand by him, along with his family, 100 percent."

A few days before Meredith Baxter (the mom from Family Ties) came out of the closet, the always-outspoken Rupert Everett had some choice words for gay actors: get comfy in the closet. Coincidentally, Everett's new movie St. Trinian's 2: The Legend of Fritton's Gold, has him playing Camilla Fritton, an eccentric headmistress who looks like a cross between the Queen Mum and Madame the puppet. In the previous St. Trinians, which I couldn't sit through, he also played her brother, Carnaby.

The openly gay actor blames coming out of the closet for the state of his career, telling The Guardian, "The fact is that you could not be, and still cannot be, a 25-year-old homosexual trying to make it in the British film business or the American film business or even the Italian film business. It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point. You're going to manage to make it roll for a certain amount of time, but at the first sign of failure they'll cut you right off. And I'm sick of saying, 'Yes, it's probably my own fault.' Because I've always tried to make it work and when it stops working somewhere, I try to make it work somewhere else. But the fact of the matter is, and I don't care who disagrees, it doesn't work if you're gay." (I really recommend reading the whole interview; it's very interesting.)

I'm a heterosexual woman who's also not an actor and can't speak to the true experience of being a gay man in the film industry. I first saw Everett in Cemetery Man and was later somewhat disappointed to find out the handsome star was gay, but I was more turned off by his later choice of roles than anything else. I know I am the minority when it comes to my reaction, unfortunately.

Actor/director Warren Beatty's long legal battle with Tribune Company over the rights to the character Dick Tracy revealed an interesting kernel of information on what might be Beatty's next film project -- a documentary on the comic strip detective. Tribune Co. tried to claim the Dick Tracy rights as an asset in a recent bankruptcy hearing, but Beatty holds the rights to the character as long as he makes "productive use" of the property. It's a sweet deal for Beatty and an absolute nightmare for Tribune Co., as the wording of the agreement doesn't seem to put any time table on when the agreement expires.

This isn't the first time Tribune has tried to wrest control of their character from Beatty. in 2005, Beatty announced that he was interested in pursuing a Dick Tracy sequel/reboot/remake/cash grab with the apparent intention of getting Tribune off his back over the rights. It's been almost five years since that announcement, and obviously it hasn't happened yet, however it doesn't seem to be stopping Beatty from making up new, seemingly off-the-cuff Dick Tracy projects to thwart Tribune's demands.

Having moved past lost dinosaurs, Will Ferrell wants to take on the biggest, modern dino of them all -- music mogul Simon Cowell. WENN reports that Ferrell's dream project is to play the American Idol judge in a feature film: "I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie -- heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role." The actor drew similarities between Cowell and his previous character, one Ron Burgandy: "It wouldn't be that hard for me to play him because I see a lot of Ron Burgundy in Simon Cowell. Like Simon, Ron was the biggest thing on TV, loved himself -- they are like long-lost twin brothers separated at birth."

Then again, this is probably nothing more than news disregarding inflection and comedy. Ferrell followed the talk up with discussing how he'd prepare: "It would be fun getting into character as well. I would walk along the street and say, 'Hey, you're too fat to be a star,' or go to a concert and shout out to the artist, 'Never gonna happen.'" And directly to Mr. Cowell: "I could spend some time shadowing you. We could spend time in your mansion in high trousers and black, round-neck tees just being rude to people, it would be great."

The thing is -- I think I'd like to see this ... if Ferrell put aside his usual over-the-top quirk for a tone more like Stranger Than Fiction. But that's probably just me wanting to see more of that in any role. I think it's time to put down the uber-quirk and find some happy mellow comedy. Could being Simon Cowell return Will Ferrell to A-List, money-making form?

When it comes to talking about careers and success, there are a lot of factors that come into play -- money, security, recognition, happiness... For the most part, it's success in the eye of the beholder, but that doesn't stop us from evaluating others' lives. After reading yesterday that Alec Baldwin thinks his career is a "complete failure" because he doesn't have a starring role where his performance drives the film to "a soaring critical or commercial success," I wonder what the world-at-large considers success in Hollywood. (While also wondering what colleagues think of Baldwin's load of projectile verbal horse manure.)

One might just blow this off and say it's the person with the most money and fame, but is it really? Fame is hard to hold onto, and even if a star does manage to grab tight, they must then deal with the ramifications of fame -- the sometimes-scary fans, the paparazzi, the gossip rags. On the flip side, maybe someone becomes an excellent character actor, finding continual gigs and a steady flow of money with moderate fame. But the work must keep on going for those checks to come in. And then there's those who find that one franchise that makes them enough to live on for the rest of their lives, or those who use initial fame to springboard into other careers in politics and other areas, or those who love their work but fall victim to unrealistic physical demands.

So, what is Hollywood success to you? And who's the most successful?

Everyone and their grandmothers seems to want a fourth Bourne film, and the question of "When, when, when?!" has dogged Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass for a long time. Shockingly, the answer may now be "never," as The Playlist is reporting that Greengrass has quit Bourne 4.

Script problems and a fractious relationship with Universal are said to be the cause of the split.
Two scripts have been penned for the film, and reportedly no one is fond of George Nolfi's take. Josh Zetumer came aboard to write a new one, a decision that irked Greengrass as he wasn't consulted as to the choice of writer. But that's a relatively minor point, as the real problem seems to be Greengrass' free-wheeling style, which has cost Universal millions and millions on every film he's made. While Bourne turned a fine profit, the studio is concerned about Green Zone, which is now estimated to have cost $150 million due to all of Greengrass' famous tinkering. This is a film that doesn't carry the Bourne brand name, and deals with the very un-blockbuster topic of Iraq.

So, Greengrass and Universal have been butting heads, as he wants to continue his usual approach on Bourne 4, and they want him to keep the budget under control. Thus, he's upset at the way he's been treated, and has now walked away. Rumors swirl that he might return, but there's just as much feeling that the studio could hire a new director. This leaves everyone uncertain as to whether Damon would return since he's been famously loyal to Greengrass. For now, everyone is watching the trades to see what'll be announced (and with Damon doing Invictus press, maybe it'll come up unofficially), and hoping for the best. The last thing anyone wants is Bourne without the guys that made it great.

UPDATED: Head after the jump for a statement from Paul Greengrass

I realize (belatedly) that this is not breaking news, but I heard about it for the first time the other day and nearly choked on my Sunkist. Did you know that: a) Steven Seagal, the pony-tailed B-movie bad-ass who needs no introduction, has spent the better part of two decades working as a deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana, a downscale suburb of New Orleans, and b) A&E will shortly be airing a COPS-like reality TV show depicting his adventures called Steven Seagal: Lawman? It's true. The first episode airs December 2nd.

For more details on the show, you might take a look at this post from over the weekend on our sister blog TV Squad, which among other things includes this wonderful quote, delivered to a group of police trainees: "Some of you may know who I am, and some of you don't. I've been doing martial arts for 40 years, so you can look at me as Steven Seagal, he's a movie star, or you can look at me and say Steven Seagal, he can save my life." Indeed.

But you might also look at these clips from the A&E website for the show, which made me choke back some of my laughter. 'Cause as much as it sounds like a joke, it doesn't really look like one. I mean, by all accounts, the guy has been working as a real live policeman on the side for twenty years. It's a dangerous and unglamorous job. He doesn't do it for the money or the attention, as evidenced by the fact that almost no one knew about his moonlighting for twenty years. He does it, apparently, because it's a job where he can help people and put his skills to some use. Isn't that... kind of awesome? How many movie stars have done something similar?

Anyone else now have a new respect for Steven Seagal?

This is a tale of the girl who cried wolf vampire...

TMZ is reporting that the 17-year-old girl who claimed that a fellow moviegoer bit her neck while exiting a screening of New Moon was, as they put it, "lying through her teeth." Erin Westrate gave police her story of the so-called bite, but a witness came forward to say that they saw her leave the theater and saw no biting. After grilling the teen, she confessed: "the alleged culprit was simply kissing her on the neck at the time and she was a 'willing participant.'" What possessed her to make up this extravagant lie is beyond me. Is she an English literature fiend who wanted to play on the never-cry-wolf idea after a movie with wolves and vamps?

Detective Lieutenant Timothy LaVigne says that the teen could now face criminal charges, and if this is all true and she did lie -- I say bring her down. Women have a tough enough time as it is when they are assaulted, crying wolf doesn't help matters.

From the original post:

We keep hearing about the annoying Twilight Saga fans and their ever-loyal fandom, but there are other crazies coming out of the woodwork. An ABC affiliate in Michigan reports that while watching New Moon at the Norton Shores theater, a teen girl was harassed and bitten by an old perv while watching the vampire/werewolf blockbuster.

It seems that in the midst of a screen full of vamps and wolves, an old, short, white dude believed to be about 45 years old starting throwing "sexual comments" at a 17-year-old girl sitting in front of him. But he didn't just assault her with words. When the movie was over, he decided to give her a taste of the "real deal" and allegedly bit the girl on the neck (lucky for her, he didn't break the skin). Right now, the perv is at large, and the police are asking anyone with any information to contact the Norton Shores Police Department.